The truth is, I didn’t think I could feel this much. I guess it’s the kind of thing you don’t know until you go through it. But here I am, eight months after losing my mom, and I’m only starting to not think about her constantly.
I wish I could say the pain gets easier, but the truth is, it doesn’t. Grief isn’t something you “get over,” you just have to learn to live with it. It’s not just about missing someone, it’s about rebuilding yourself without them. I’m a grown woman, you’d think it would be easier, right? No. It’s messy, it’s painful, and it will transform you.
So here is the hard truth. For a while, your feelings will get magnified by a thousand, your thoughts will get darker, your faith and spirituality will be completely gone. There will be no room for anything else than suffering. But here’s the thing; be brave, be patient, this part of you that’s broken will eventually heal.
It won’t be easy. Some days, it will feel impossible to move forward. It took me two months just to get out of bed in the mornings, four months to do it without tears, six months before I could feel even the tiniest hint of ease in my heart. But with every small step, you get stronger. There is no guidelines, no straight path. Just go day by day.
How do I feel now? Lucky that I got an incredible mother for 34 years of my life. Lucky that I have a new angel watching over me from above. Lucky that every time I step into her car that she gave me, I get a chance to talk to her as if she was sitting next to me, like she used to. And yes, I am still crying writing this, but I do believe every single word.
The good days eventually come back, I promise. And when they do, learn to hold on to them. Trust yourself, trust that your inner strength will help and guide you. Take it slow, rebuild your routines, and let yourself feel the joy when it comes. Yoga helped me a lot, even if it took me months to get back on the mat. And that’s ok.
Not everyone around you will understand what you’re going through, and that’s something you have to accept. Grief is a personal journey. It’s okay if people react in different ways, if they don’t know how to support you or how to say the right things. You don’t even know what is right. Be brave.
What about the really hard days, the ones when you feel like you’re drowning? Accept it, do remind yourself that it’s okay to not be okay. Don’t fight it, feel it all, let it pass through you, cry as much as you want, and trust that the good days will return.
To anyone who is grieving right now: Be kind to yourself. Take the time you need. Your thoughts are powerful, try to turn them towards love, towards healing, towards remembering the good. Turn to the people that are here for you. I know it’s hard. I’m with you. When you have a glimpse of joy, hold on to it.
If you feel like you could use some help, I’d be honored to support you in finding more balance and grounding through yoga and energy healing. And If you just need to talk to someone, please, don’t hesitate to reach me too. I’m here for you.
Be patient, you are doing the best you can.
With love,
Blandine